I’ve never lost someone
before you. So yes, seeing you leave was a complete new turn in life. Had you
left any last note bidding your last goodbye, I would have never left but held
you close in my arms until your body would turn cold and lifeless like it did.
It’s strange how we never understand how much a person means to us once he’s in
our life; they say we take people for granted. Yes, I never really thought you
would turn into a piece of my memory, someone I would think about in
indiscriminate moments, tear up at times and escape into the comfort of ma’s
hugs. It doesn’t feel the same in Korunamoyee anymore, like when I don’t see
you huddled up in bed talking about how the left front has changed from the old
times, how you had huge tiffs with dida on the silliest of things; the way me
and tito would cuddle with you and listen about your journeys through Europe
and awe at every little detail, how we’d make fun of your girlfriends long back
then and dida would awkwardly smile shooing us off. And how about the times
when you’d show us your vast coin collection, a magnifying glass in hand we’d
go through coins as old as our great-great grandfather’s. Dadu, I haven’t
talked to you in a long time, so long that it breaks my heart to even write
this down. Frankly speaking, I didn’t feel that sad when I saw you covered in
white, crammed into a van with flowers covering the whole of your body, a
peaceful aura throughout your face, being carried away to the burning ghats. It
clearly didn’t register then. That moment seeing people breaking down to their
feet, it didn’t make sense as to why they felt so, weren’t they happy to see
you at relief from all the pain cancer would cause?
Now it feels very empty all
of a sudden, it took me 2 years to actually realize the effect of your
existence. I picture your face as I write this and I see you smiling down at me
and saying those usual words, “ titir tui boro hobi ar boro scientist hobi”;
the way you’d go over to a stranger and completely embarrass me by proudly
explaining how good I am in my academics and how I did this and did that and how I even play soccer with boys and then how I’d run away self consciously and shout at
you later every time; but you’d never
listen.
Each week as we drive down to Kolkata; the city feels new. I miss being the person I was
with you. I miss your Einstein like air, carelessly white flying around, your
rupa frontline vest with small holes all over it which you’d never leave, I
miss the kisses on your forehead, the way you’d go about doing every little
knick knack in the house, the way you’d look at dida and would make us believe
that ultimate love did exist, 50 years of marriage paid true evidence of that.
Dadu, if I could call someone
to be a higher power, someone up there looking out for me, that’d be you.
Everything else feels so lame now that you’ve gone. I know how hard it is for
ma, for dida, for paul mama, for little tito. We love you so much, it’s stupid
to even note that down once again, but like I was telling dida we hope you are finally
dancing away with hot chicks in the beaches of Hawaii
Dadu, For you a thousand times over.
Titir/Sam B/ Your rebellious little natni :)
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This is written for Ruhani's Mindbowing May, check out you'll!
Thank you for inspiring me in such a different level all together. You have been doing an amazing job being so out-of-the -box with the inspirations.
Anyway, dadu is my mum's dad, dadu in bengali, dida being my mum's mum. He was one very special person for me and he's without doubt someone I adore, respect, love, value the most if I could say so for an individual
. 2 years has been hard but life goes on. Anyway, it's been a leettle beet too emotional today but Dadu, I know you've got God on the run, quite a perky man you are :*
