I’ve never lost someone before you. So yes, seeing you leave was a complete new turn in life. Had you left any last note bidding your last goodbye, I would have never left but held you close in my arms until your body would turn cold and lifeless like it did. It’s strange how we never understand how much a person means to us once he’s in our life; they say we take people for granted. Yes, I never really thought you would turn into a piece of my memory, someone I would think about in indiscriminate moments, tear up at times and escape into the comfort of ma’s hugs. It doesn’t feel the same in Korunamoyee anymore, like when I don’t see you huddled up in bed talking about how the left front has changed from the old times, how you had huge tiffs with dida on the silliest of things; the way me and tito would cuddle with you and listen about your journeys through Europe and awe at every little detail, how we’d make fun of your girlfriends long back then and dida would awkwardly smile shooing us off. And how about the times when you’d show us your vast coin collection, a magnifying glass in hand we’d go through coins as old as our great-great grandfather’s. Dadu, I haven’t talked to you in a long time, so long that it breaks my heart to even write this down. Frankly speaking, I didn’t feel that sad when I saw you covered in white, crammed into a van with flowers covering the whole of your body, a peaceful aura throughout your face, being carried away to the burning ghats. It clearly didn’t register then. That moment seeing people breaking down to their feet, it didn’t make sense as to why they felt so, weren’t they happy to see you at relief from all the pain cancer would cause?
Now it feels very empty all of a sudden, it took me 2 years to actually realize the effect of your existence. I picture your face as I write this and I see you smiling down at me and saying those usual words, “ titir tui boro hobi ar boro scientist hobi”; the way you’d go over to a stranger and completely embarrass me by proudly explaining how good I am in my academics and how I did this and did that and how I even play soccer with boys and then how I’d run away self consciously and shout at you later every time; but you’d never listen.
Each week as we drive down to Kolkata; the city feels new. I miss being the person I was with you. I miss your Einstein like air, carelessly white flying around, your rupa frontline vest with small holes all over it which you’d never leave, I miss the kisses on your forehead, the way you’d go about doing every little knick knack in the house, the way you’d look at dida and would make us believe that ultimate love did exist, 50 years of marriage paid true evidence of that.
Dadu, if I could call someone to be a higher power, someone up there looking out for me, that’d be you. Everything else feels so lame now that you’ve gone. I know how hard it is for ma, for dida, for paul mama, for little tito. We love you so much, it’s stupid to even note that down once again, but like I was telling dida we hope you are finally dancing away with hot chicks in the beaches of
like you always wanted to. ;) Hawaii
Dadu, For you a thousand times over.
Titir/Sam B/ Your rebellious little natni :)
This is written for Ruhani's Mindbowing May, check out you'll!
Thank you for inspiring me in such a different level all together. You have been doing an amazing job being so out-of-the -box with the inspirations.
Anyway, dadu is my mum's dad, dadu in bengali, dida being my mum's mum. He was one very special person for me and he's without doubt someone I adore, respect, love, value the most if I could say so for an individual
. 2 years has been hard but life goes on. Anyway, it's been a leettle beet too emotional today but Dadu, I know you've got God on the run, quite a perky man you are :*